There are rules to this? Yes, if you don’t want to be known as a sleazebag or a douche you need to curb your enthusiasm when it comes to perving on girls. There aren’t many free pleasures left in this world but checking out at a nice pair of legs or a well-shaped pair of tits is one of them. You are a visual creature and love nothing better than staring at a cute ass and tucking the image away in the ‘wank bank’ for later. There is nothing wrong with it and it is a totally natural pastime.

Just don’t get busted doing it.

If you are with a girl be careful not to let her see you checking her out. Simply put, this means not talking to her tits. While a girl may find this amusing at first, if it becomes prolonged it becomes uncomfortable. The last thing you want is a girl feeling uncomfortable around you.

Girls talk and if you become known as a perv then your chances of scoring a date diminish markedly. This means not staring up her skirt if she is sitting opposite you at lunchtime. Not staring down her top when she bends over to pick something up. As soon as you look too long at that lacey bra she will glance up, notice the direction of your eyes and mentally shoot you down. The fact you are drooling and your erection is splitting your shorts won’t help either.

When you are talking to her look into her eyes and watch her mouth. Not a hard task as they have gorgeous eyes and lips you want to kiss. This is a good habit to get into but don’t look for too long as it can become unnerving. Look down at her mouth when she’s talking, back up to her eyes and then glance away every ten seconds or so. You don’t want to be known as the intense stalker guy with the crazy eyes. Look into her eyes when you want to say something meaningful to her or when she is saying something serious to you.

Remember she has friends. If you think you are a smooth criminal when it comes to copping an eyeful and getting away with it you might be getting busted by the perimeter defences without knowing it. I’m talking about her eagle-eyed friends who are mentally taking notes each time you sneak a quick peep down her top. Once again, your perving ways will be reported back and will hurt your chances of getting a girlfriend.

Perving with your girlfriend – extreme danger!

You go to the pool together and her friend walks past with a smoking-hot body and a tiny bikini. Your head turns to the left and her butt laser imprints upon your eyeballs. You turn back to the right and you are sucked into two icy pools of death that used to be your girlfriend’s eyes. She reaches over, grabs your testicles and slowly twists them around your head until they dangle from your earlobes.  Rookie mistake boys, if you are with your girlfriend then keep your eyes on the prize – her.

Sunnies are your best friend. Never go outside without them, and make sure they are dark enough so people can’t see your eyes. Don’t get over-confident, remember chicks have a sixth sense when it comes to a guy perving so don’t think you can happily ogle without her knowing. And never move your head, it is a dead give-away.

Glance and look away.

Perving is like looking at the sun, glorious to behold but stare too long and you will get burnt. Girls go to a lot of effort with their appearance so they don’t mind you looking, just avoid the sex-depraved inmate stare. The quick glance is an art-form worth practising. Go to it.